J-baby's haven

HILL

2009-10-28T21:37:00.001+10:30

Walking down the walkway in the narrow hallway the young girl glance’s towards her peers, as she receives the ever so normal blank stares she glimpse’s towards her feet and quickly scuffles towards the doorway. A Feeling of invisibility to the world and to others condemns her she reaches the doorway. She punches the door open with a loud bang and runs out the door and down the steps. Numbness starting to swallow the girl up she runs as fast as she can, through the shadows and the warmth of the sun, it warms her like no one’s soul has ever warmed her before, the darkness of the hurt and pain tries to suffocate her. Reaching the large hill she runs with a passion and finally reaches the top and falls to her knees crying out to clear sky. A beautiful sunsets glows down on her, as she sits staring out at the sunset on the green hill she thinks about her wishes and her dreams, dreams of belonging, dreams of fitting in and those dreams of being accepted. Driven by zeal at thinking of her dreams she spends hours at the only place that givers here peace and where those heartless people cannot ignore her. Imagining her dream’s her mind wanders off to a wonderful fairyland, a place where there is no hurt or pain. Knowing that she can’t live out here forever her mind flutters backs to reality and she starts her normal reflecting on her past, the past she would rather have brain washed away from her. As the last cloud fades away she stands to her feet, the feeling of happiness she had for that flash, slides away and the sadness appears again as she knows life will return to normal. Turning and walking down the hill the sky cry’s for her and it rains down.

the path

2009-10-28T21:36:00.001+10:30

Slowly the girl walked down the long road, she reached the end of road and glanced left and right.

“Which is the path to take”? She looked down the windy path, then turned and looked down the straight path.

“Which path is the right one?”

“Which path is the wrong one?”

One path held the right way and one path held the wrong way, or was it they both held the right way. She thought again, maybe both held the wrong way. She slowly took a step down one of the paths

“Was this the right one” she edged back and took a step towards the other path, “or is this the path to take”

She slowly stepped down the windy path, as she traveled along the windy path; she thought back to the straightway and wondered if things would have turned out different. As she tripped and fell and she pulled herself back up to continue the walk, she would wonder if she took the “other way”. “Would things have been easier” would she have encounter different things? As the road began to twist and turn and there were more “paths to take”, she began to see tell this was a long journey. “Was the straightway straight and easy? Travelling down the path she knew she could not turn back, she was too far into the journey she knew she could not end the journey, this is the path she chose to take and will take it to the end.” It may be hard and long but it is this way. As she took another turn down the path and pondered all to be, she tried not to get lost as it got hard to see.

running away

2009-10-28T21:35:00.000+10:30

Running away was the option

Did not want to face the hurt

The aching pain

Rejection, Abandonment, Betrayal

I wanted to escape to a land of fantasy

A land of love

Till I met you

You brought my love

You brought me happiness

You brought me security

I am your treasure

in the eyes of Eliza

2009-05-11T23:49:00.001+09:30

The mask the girl has covers her face, covers her soul. She wont let people see the real her. She hides the pain. She hides the real her. Her name is Eliza, she is 15 years old. She lives with her broken family, the family of the drunk father who beats her, and her paralyzed mum who was in a accident by her drunk father. Her brother 18, ran away, without even a "goodbye". This is her life.

my name is Eliza, I am just a girl who wants to be free, free of the pain. I hide my self away, away from the hurt and the pain. My family don't want be, my friends don't want me, what friends if any. My father is a drunk, who gets drunk every night and if i don't do his way, i feel it. My mother just sits there, and doesn't say thing. You know why?....cause my father injured her like he does with everyone, she didn't want to go, but he made her, she said no, and then he hit her so she went, and of course he was drunk when driving that car, and crashed into a tree, paralyzed for life. When my mother came home from hospital my brother couldn't stand it, so he ran away, didn't even leave a note, just left, " who am i suppose to talk to now". i haven always wanted to run away, but of course they see me running and its into he room again, locked away, well mum tried helping me once " get out of this house darling you have so much to live up to". well my spying father heard her, and well i wont go into what happened then, because mum cant get around anymore it has been given to me the duties to cook, if the food is not on time, the consequence come. I hide away in my room, i lock the door, where he cant get me, and one day i will leave.

If i don't die tryin. " I hear him yelling he is drunk, i have to-"
ELIZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE STORMS IN.
...............with a bat....close to his side.

feelings

2009-05-06T23:36:00.002+09:30

Those captivating eyes that captivate my soul. As I run from that anger that swallows me whole. As i am worthy of your love, that fills my life with joy. I am adored by those that want me. I feel alive in this world of love. To respect me, fills me with confidence. Courageously i take a stand. Enchanted in this world of mystery, as i am important in this world. My life is filled by appreciation.

As the night fades away gloomy i become, That pain that numbs me. Feeling rejected and betrayed by those people. Frustrated by the depressed feelings you bring me, wearing me out. The hatred takes over causing the hurt. Miserable pain from the loneliness i have suffered, making me feel worthless as you ignore me. you abandoned me, leaving me terrified and alone. i feel afraid and scared as i sit alone in the dark room.

friendship

2009-04-27T23:46:00.002+09:30

May 2006- friendship

(this was written in 2006 about an old friend i once had)

Friendships come

Friendships go

What did I ever do to you I would like to know

You tore me apart

Ripping open my heart

Was not I ever good enough for you

Through your pain I’m there

Not for long I’m aware

You get over it

I’m used

Tossed aside

Until needed again

Best friends forever

You said

What happened?

I thought u were my friend

You erased me from your life

It felt like you cut me up with a knife

You broke me in two

Was anything you said true?

Was I not good enough?

We were so close

Then you had to go

Why I don’t know

You suddenly stop talking

Talking to me

You are a liar liar I say

You said you were my friend

So why did it have to end

Why won’t you tell me?

Why we can’t be friends

Tell me what happened

To make it end

Are you to much of a wimp?

To face me

To tell me what happened

To make this end

You hold the key

The key to our friendship

Tell me what happened

To make it end

Tell me why

So I can say Good bye

For you

2009-04-27T00:28:00.002+09:30

For the Love of my life, best friend, my soul mate. You are amazing, you are sweet, k,ind, loving, , you see the best in me, you help me when i need help,you Hug me when i need Hug, you take care of me when i am sick, you dont leave me alone when i am hurting. you are the perfect one for me. I give you the key to my heart. You fill my life with happiness, you have the most gorgeous smile and gorgeous eyes. You have taken away the loneliness in my life. I love you with all of my heart. I am forever here for you, as you are here for me, i always give you the hugs you need, as you in return give me the Hugs i need. I would never choose any other man to be in your place.

From the bottom of my heart

I love you andrew

Plain as the wall

2009-04-25T01:29:00.010+09:30

This post is for the 25th April as i did not get to post yesterday.

She sits alone, alone on the empty bench alone she is waiting for someone to come , so ever waiting. The people passing by, look at her and look away going about their the daily chores. "will anyone ever care" the young girl cries softly to her self. " will they ever stop" she sobs. Her face has the sign of sorrow over it, covering it. Her smile is adducted by the miserable sorrow, her soul's mask's cover her, as she paints a mask over her face. She must not let anyone see, see the inside. Standing slowly up, the gray sky darkens to match her soul, her gray dark soul, rain pours down to soak her. She slowly walks away, away from the heartless people, crying she passes them, with a look from them she stalks away. Heavy soaked clothes pull her down. The pain soaking down, pulls at her. "will anoyone ever care" "will they notice my pain" she cries. "will they ever know my name" She staggers down the road, quietly and quickly, turns the corner to the empty side road, and slides down the plain wall crying her down to the soul, feeling as plain as the plain wall. " Emma Grace" is my name she whispers.

In the Eyes of Eliza

2009-04-25T01:23:00.009+09:30

Have you Ever...

2009-04-24T02:39:00.002+09:30

Have you ever felt defeated, feels like a weight pulling you down? You try to get up but it pushes and is slowly suffocating you inside. You feel like there is no hope, you try to walk but it holds you, the defeat turns into pain, entering inside of you and taking refuge inside. You try everything to get rid of it but the more you fight the more its army marches in and takes control of you. You try to hit it head on so it rears you from all angles. The pain plays tug war with your soul pulling and pulling till you say. I GIVE UP.

The Thoughts Swept away in the Tide

2009-04-24T01:18:00.001+09:30

Walking up to the rail the young girl looked over the dark ocean. She stood silently, as the wind breeze swept over her. Her mind filled with bitter sweet memories, as the remembered the good times she spent with you. Those times filled with love and happinesses as she was lonely and you gave her something to look forward to. The times of hurt that you made happy, then the times of happiness you made to sorrow. She rememberer's what it was like to have a best friend, that was there to talk to till the early hours. Was it all a lie she thinks to her self, standing agaisnt that cold rail looking at the blue ocean sea, or was it the times that changed into something else. One day she would like to talk to you again to ask you the questions that run through her head " what changed". A brother you were like, now you are like an estranged brother. You came into her life and changed it, for the good or that bad she does not know. She jumps into the water and dives down to reemerge, coming back up stating " The past is the past, now is the future, you live in my past and there you will stay. Leaving the rail she has changed and she leaves those thoughts of the past at the bottom of the deep ocean.